Dating Red Flag #2: Spends an Inordinate Amount of Time on Friends, Hobbies, Sports, or Work

Obsessive do-ing is a red flag communicating a conscious or unconscious fear of being alone with one's self.

The inordinate need to be engaged in activity fills a "hole of emptiness". Obsessive do-ing often reflects a lack of value and self-esteem. It is a fear of getting to know one's self, resulting in an insatiable neediness or co-dependence on "outside" activities to gain a false sense of belonging, importance or self-worth.
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When one is overly preoccupied with condos, cars, dining and gourmet foods, designer clothes, running, exercising, TV and movies, "seeing and being seen," etc., one is really searching for a sense of aliveness. Yet, truth be told, in this state, one will never truly and honestly feel "alive." And, when one does not feel alive, one feels like one is going to "die."
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So, in a reactive state, one feels the compulsion to do, do and do, to buy, binge, take chemical and non-chemical drugs, run for miles and miles, blast the music, go, go and go.

In a relationship, an obsessive focus on do-ing results in a lack of quality time, quiet time, alone time, and time for rest, reflection, relaxation, recharge and renewal. This obsessively active individual may experience periods of burnout, fatigue, "fogginess", and irritability due to depleted energy. The bottom line — this red flag reads: "no intimate time for you/us."
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(c) 2005, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. All rights in all media reserved.

---ABOUT THE AUTHOR--- Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D, is co-founder of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta, GA firm specializing in coaching, counseling and facilitating. Peter's expertise focuses on personal, business and relationship coaching. He is a professional speaker and published author. For more information about his services, email Peter at pvajda@spiritheart.net